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Susie’s Shell Searching Adventure /// Chapter 11

The snake twisted his head up towards his tail and gave careful thought and consideration to the question. ‘Why, I think I am quite fine,’ said the snake.

Mel looked toward Susie, clearly confused. ‘That hasn’t answered the question at all,’ Mel said. She threw her antennae up in exasperation. How ever could an answer be so beside the point?

‘Yes, being “fine” is completely beside the point,’ said Susie.

The snake recoiled up towards the branch it hung from. ‘The point?’ said the snake. ‘You haven’t plans to skewer me, have you?’

Mel and Susie looked at one another. Skewer him? they seemed to say. How could a couple of slugs manage to skewer a snake? And whatever for? 

Mel shook her head. What an exceptionally strange snake, she thought. 

The snake interrupted their silent conversation. ‘Fancy that,’ said the snake. It was staring past Mel, as if she weren’t even there. 

Susie expressed their exasperation. ‘No, we don’t fancy that. Answer the question,’ Susie said. She repeated the question once more seeking to gauge the snake’s propensity for violence.

The snake answered fiercely while simultaneously definitively not answering. ‘Aside, slug,’ said the snake. 

Susie sighed. ‘I’m not a…’ she began, but just then the snake uncurled its tail from the hanging boughs and flopped down onto the deck of the ship, narrowly avoiding squashing Susie. The snake fell in a slinky-like fashion, settling into something like a cinnamon roll with Susie safely positioned in the middle like a raisin on top.

Mel, acknowledging the danger that the situation now presented, said more earnestly, ‘Are you a nice snake?’ She propped herself up higher to try and see over the snake’s body and make sure that Susie was okay.

‘I already answered you that, darling,’ the snake said. ‘You really shouldn’t be asking questions you already know the answer to. ‘Tis a waste of time, don’t you know.’ 

Mel was put off. The snake began to move towards her, but curiously its eyes were still looking through her rather than at her. As it moved, the cinnamon roll spiral began to undo itself and Susie was free to move about. She followed the snake’s tail until it brushed past Mel and continued towards the front of the boat. Susie stopped next to Mel and the both of them stared in curiosity at the snake. ‘Fancy that,’ the snake said. 

Susie was frustrated. A roof. They’d included walls, a floor, even a back and a front door, but they’d forgotten a roof when they made their vessel. Everyone knows that the roof is supposed to be the cornerstone, it offers the most protection. How could we be so daft? she thought, a metaphorical face palm. She thought of a plan. First, all she would need to do was to occupy the snake’s attention.  ‘Might you like a drink?’ Susie said. 

‘Why should I,’ the snake said. 

‘It’s a very rude snake,’ Mel said.

‘Indeed it is,’ Susie said.

The snake stopped moving and turned its head towards Mel and Susie. It then looked about the rest of the ship. ‘Do tell, where are you keeping the drinks?’ Success.

‘We haven’t got any drinks,’ Susie said. Retribution, or something of the sort.

The snake was silent for a minute. It didn’t seem upset really. Not frustrated, like Mel and Susie had been when the snake refused to answer their question. Only, it occurred to Susie, they should have asked a more consequential question. The snake interrupted its own silence. ‘You mean that you do not have any drinks,’ it said. 

‘That’s what she said,’ said Mel. 

‘She said she hadn’t got any drinks, but I never asked her to get them. I asked her where she is keeping them. Two very different things!’ the snake said. 

‘I said what I meant,’ Susie said. What a frustrating snake, she thought. 

‘Ah, but what you meant is not what you said!’ said the snake.

‘We don’t have drinks.’ Susie frowned.

‘That was a bit of an oversight, wasn’t it?’ Mel said. 

‘But now you’ve said it differently!’ said the snake. ‘And so, you see, you did not even say what you meant! You didn’t say it in the least.’ 

‘I don’t see.’ Susie grinned at Mel as if to say, get a load of this. She said, ‘You can’t see words.’ 

The snake considered the quip. ‘No, I suppose not all of us,’ it said. ‘But then, I see written words all the time, and then there’s you. I look at you and I see the word slug, just as if it were floating above your head.’ 

‘She’s not a…’ Mel began, but Susie cut her off.

‘It wasn’t very kind of you to just plop yourself aboard our ship, and as best as I can see, you don’t seem like much of a pirate,’ Susie said. 

‘Perhaps I shouldn’t seem that way because I am not one?’ the snake said. ‘And besides, it wasn’t very kind of you to offer drink when you haven’t any to give.’ 

‘Your mouth seems quite full already,’ Susie said, referring to the white cotton.

The snake was silent a moment and then turned and continued moving towards the bow of the ship. It said, ‘Why is a dog so like a bayou?’ 

Susie looked towards Mel, clearly confused. ‘Why is a dog so like a bayou?’ Susie said. 

‘That isn’t much in the way of an answer,’ said the snake. ‘Or perhaps it is too much in the way of the answer.’ The snake considered how they might reveal the real answer.

‘Oooo! I know the answer,’ Mel said. 

‘There is no answer,’ the snake said. 

‘But I’ve thought of one,’ said Mel. 

‘Just the same,’ said the snake. ‘There is not an answer. I made the question up.’ 

‘But I do have an answer,’ Mel said. What a very frustrating snake, she thought. 

‘Fancy that,’ said the snake.

‘Yes,’ said Susie. She wouldn’t stand to have the rude snake be shutting Mel up as it was. ‘Let’s hear her answer.’ 

‘Indeed,’ said the snake. ‘What do you call this?’ It was bobbing its head in and out of the ship’s window, back and forth, twisting its head up, down, and round-about and studying all four corners. 

Mel was confused. ‘Why, it’s a window,’ she said. 

‘I see,’ said the snake. ‘And where’s the doe?’ 

‘The what?’ Susie said. 

‘The dough?’ said Mel. 

‘I asked, where’s the doe? The prize for winning?’ said the snake. 

‘There is no prize, you don’t win anything. It is a window,’ said Susie. 

The snake turned around and began to move back towards Mel and Susie. ‘If there isn’t a prize, then why do you call it that?’ it said. 

‘That’s just what we call it,’ Mel said. 

‘Aha! Exactly so!’ said the snake as it stopped just in front of Mel and Susie. 

Mel and Susie looked at each other. What a very curious snake, they thought. Mel said, ‘Would anyone like to hear my answer now?’ 

‘I’m afraid the time is past,’ said the snake. 

‘What is your answer?’ Susie said. 

‘Well, you see,’ said Mel. ‘The dog is so like the bayou because….’   

‘It is too late! The time is gone!’ said the snake. ‘Your answer is in the past!’

‘But, I haven’t even said it yet?’ said Mel. 

‘Ah, then perhaps it is in the future. But if it is there, then it must also therefore be in the past, wouldn’t you agree?’

Mel made a face of confusion. ‘No. No! I shouldn’t agree! What a preposterous thing. Why can it not be in the present? It’s a very good answer.’

The snake said through its own confusion, ‘Why, because the present doesn’t exist.’ The snake paused. ‘I should have thought that that was evident.’

‘But if you would just allow me to share my answer, surely that would be the present,’ said Mel.

The snake gave a chuckle of pity. It said, ‘A present, indeed, we would be blessed. But your answer has already happened, for how else would we speak of it?’ And then, ‘or perhaps it is in the future. Oh well. What is the differance?’ 

The snake seemed to take on a French accent, but Susie had finished listening. She moved both of her eyes about in a circle and said, ‘Go on, Mel.’ 

‘One cannot simply go on when she hasn’t time to spare,’ the snake said. 

‘What do you mean she hasn’t time to spare?’ Susie said. She was still looking at Mel whose eyes had become real big. 

The snake’s foreboding statement demanded a response. ‘Are you a nice snake?’ Mel said, a bit of urgency in her voice. 

‘Why I suppose it depends. Are the two of you nice slugs?’ the snake said. 

Together, Mel said yes and Susie said no. The two of them looked at each other, very much confused. ‘Well I’m not a slug,’ Susie said. 

‘You keep saying that,’ the snake said. 

‘I will,’ said Susie.

‘You have,’ said the snake.

‘Because I’m not,’ said Susie. 

‘Fancy that,’ said the snake. 

The snake slithered past Mel and Susie going the opposite direction now, heading straight towards the ship’s rudder. 

‘Why do you say that?’ Mel said, turning about to watch the snake. 

‘That?’ said the snake. ‘It is a demonstrative pronoun.’

‘No,’ said Mel. ‘Fancy that.’

‘Yes, darling, I already said that,’ said the snake.

‘But why do you say fancy that?’ said Mel.

The snake said over its shoulder, ‘It is a word that serves as signal of direction. Accompanied by a gesture, of course. Surprised you did not know that.’ 

Mel looked at Susie. ‘Is it calling me dumb?’ she said. 

‘You’re not dumb.’ Susie assured her. 

‘But what did he mean, in any case?’ Mel said. 

Susie shrugged. It seemed that nothing managed to mean what it meant any more. Or rather, that things only meant exactly what they meant, which was all the more confusing. Susie said as much to Mel. 

Mel scoffed. ‘How can we be expected to mean only what we say?’ she siad. 

Susie shrugged. ‘I guess, why should we mean more than what we say?’ she said. 

The snake chimed in just before reaching the rudder. It said, ‘But why should you mean anything at all? You can create, but you cannot mean.’

The snake circled the rudder a few times, but it didn’t seem terribly interested in it, or so that was the meaning Susie had attributed to it’s action. The snake began to slither back towards them. It said, ‘Yes, well. I think I will be going now.’ 

‘But you haven’t heard my answer yet,’ Mel said. 

‘Your answer?’ the snake said. ‘Did I ask you a question?’ 

‘You can’t be serious,’ Susie said. 

‘Oh I assure you that isn’t the case. I only didn’t know that this was a serious occasion,’ the snake said. 

‘Let’s hear your answer, M.C.,’ Susie said. 

‘Indeed, and what is it you are answering?’ said the snake. It moved to the side of the boat and slithered to the top of the side like a sentry.

Mel looked at the snake in disbelief. Surely it can’t have forgotten its own question, she thought, and, whatever is it doing on the side of the boat? She said, in a nervous sort of tenor, ‘Why is a dog so like a bayou?’ 

‘Why, because they both have Os which say they’re not!’ the snake said. Then it jumped off the side of the boat and left Susie and Mel to their own company. They both rushed quickly towards where the snake had just been, but it was useless. They couldn’t see out the sides and by the time they could have reached the tops of the sides the snake would be long gone. They turned and moved towards the rudder instead. They each pushed one side of the door, making sure to hold onto the door’s ropes so they could close it again. They peered down at the water but, again, it was useless. They couldn’t find the snake. The water was chock full of snakes now, like noodles in spaghetti, glowing as the night grew dark. There had to be hundreds of them. 

‘A.S.,’ Mel said. 

‘Yupp,’ Susie said. 

‘You don’t suppose they’re all nice snakes, do you?’ Mel said. 

‘Nope,’ Susie said. 

They both pulled on their ropes and closed the door, then slimed their way back towards the front of their ship where they sat in silence, staring at the few stars that peeked through the foliage above them.

 

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